And then it was over.... Like a scene from American Pie. Just to set the record straight Premature Ejaculation (PE) is the most common male sexual problem. If you would like to last longer, banish the shame and enjoy a full-term sexual experience it helps to understand PE and how to treat it.
In time prehistory, the quicker a man came, the better it was. It was all about the numbers game then. Impregnate faster and father more offspring. Then came the discovery of the female orgasm; it turned the breeding into lovemaking. Now we use this time for pleasure and prolong the sexual act for as long as we can.
Understanding the nature of PE can be a very personal one. Someone might last for hours, while another man might get worried if he hasn’t come by 10 minutes. Your partner plays a role too if they can come quickly and you both feel satisfied all good. But if your partner requires more time to achieve orgasm, you may feel underwhelmed by your performance. It’s all about how you perceive it.
Research suggests the male average ejaculation time is around 5 ½ minutes, with additional studies suggesting 3-13 minutes after penetration. These are general studies, not guides.
Ejaculation within a 1-minute of penetration always or nearly always.
Being unable to delay ejaculation during sex all or nearly all the time.
Feeling bothered or frustrated and avoiding sexual intimacy because of it.
From your first sexual experience continuing throughout your life, if left untreated. It may reduce with age due to the aging process, not better control.
This is when you have previously had normal ejaculation times before your PE commenced. It can occur anytime during your life and is often contributed to by relationship issues, stress or anxiety, or erectile dysfunction.
There are also two additional types of premature ejaculation that are not considered disorders according to the medical definition:
This is when your ejaculation time is inconsistent and unpredictable – sometimes it’s fast, and sometimes it takes longer. It might be because of a new partner, you are in a unique sexual situation, or you just haven’t had sex in a while.
When you feel you have PE, you have standard or even extended ejaculation times.
The percentage of bloke that experience PE.
The percentage of Aussie blokes that say they orgasm too quickly.
The risk of PE decreases with age.
Higher levels of education, divorce and the presence of social phobia appear to increase the risk of PE.
After puberty, any man can suffer from PE, but it’s more common in younger men.
PE is likely to be underreported and undertreated, so the number of men who actually suffer is probably higher.
It's not as easy as 1,2,3. PE is more nuanced but can be allocated into a psychological or physical issue.
Your leading partner in sex is your brain, and if there is something on your mind, it can manipulate your penis.
How am I going to keep on long enough? Is my dick big enough? Does my partner find me attractive? Why do I feel guilty about sex and come so quickly? Any of these questions sound familiar? Whenever you have an adverse concern or issue about your body or sex, it may affect your sexual stamina.
This cycle of negative thinking and worry is known as performance anxiety and is thought to be one of the leading causes of PE – especially acquired PE. The reverse is true for Lifelong PE; performance anxiety is a result of your PE. A previous sexual encounter of coming early or losing your erection has created fear around it happening again, making it happen again.
One theory is that anxiety activates the sympathetic nervous system (the one responsible for activating the fight or flight response), which reduces the ejaculatory threshold. That's the amount of stimulation you need before reaching your' point of no return' (when you can no longer hold back an orgasm).
Another theory is that high levels of anxiety about performing well enough in bed can distract you from monitoring and being in control of your level of arousal, resulting in premature ejaculation.
Whatever the cause, if the stress and anxiety are chronic and is starting to affect your sex life in the long term, it needs to be managed.
Research suggests that depression can contribute to PE, and PE can deepen the depression.
Medical treatments for depression have demonstrated an improvement with PE symptoms. Specific depression treatments are also used to manage PE.
Like depression, relationship issues can start because of PE or cause PE.
Suppose you've had satisfying sexual relationships with other partners in the past where PE wasn't a concern. In that case, it could be possible that issues between you and your current partner could be causing the PE. Therefore, resolving the relationship concerns is likely to help.
If your PE is causing tension in your relationship, it's time to seek professional help.
Causes could include low serotonin levels in the brain. Men with first-degree relatives (such as a father) who suffer from this are more likely to have it themselves or increased sensitivity of the penis and a lower ejaculatory threshold.
Causes include Inflammation and infection in the prostate or urethra, injury to the pelvic or the nervous system, hormone imbalances or side effects from certain medications.
Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol is a depressant; the more you drink, the worse your PE will get. Recreational drugs such as ecstasy (MDMA) and cocaine may assist in delaying ejaculation in the short term, but overuse and long-term use can make PE worse
These are some home and natural treatment options you can use at home. These options work particularly well for men experiencing PE due to performance anxiety. Try and find the ones that work for you.
Couples: Talk It Out
If you feel your PE is a concern or issue, talk with your partner about it. Your partner might not be aware of it or may not matter to them as much as you think. Communicating couples have a higher chance of working through and even enhancing their sex life.
Singles: Confidence is King
Let’s face it, a chat about your PE with a casual hookup is too embarrassing, and it isn’t going to happen. So, what can you do to get the booty you need and not want to crawl into the abyss when PE takes hold? Confidence, yes I know, don’t laugh, let me explain. So you’re enjoying your sexual experience, and bam! You’ve blown. What do you do? DON’T STOP. Keep on kissing, caressing or whatever you were doing, tell them how much they turn you on and continue to stimulate them. Your confidence is the key to keeping them turned on and aroused. Remember, the brain is the largest sex organ. Kill the momentum with a pause or OMG response, and it can be challenging to regroup and pleasure them.
Don’t Stress It
If PE is something new to you, it’s time to take back control. Try meditation, breathing exercises or yoga to assist in relaxing your nervous system to create mindfulness and awareness of the moment you are in. This is to assist in changing your mindset, allowing you to control your environment.
If you feel yourself getting stressed during sex, refocus yourself by listening to your partner. Listen to their breathing, their moans or any feedback being provided. If that’s a trigger for you, listen to you and your breath. Your refocusing will allow you to decrease arousal and allow more time to pass before ejaculation.
Yep, not just for women strengthening their pelvic floor. How do you find them? While urinating, stop mid-stream, feel them? Hold these muscles, then release. 10-20 reps a day.
On The Edge
Edging is a simple technique that, in itself, is a great sex tool. Enjoy your sexual experience until you’re close to orgasm, then stop. This is when you focus on your partner, ensuring they are enjoying their sexual experience too. Once you are not close, you can continue. Continue edging (stop-go) until you have recognised your bodies responses and sensations. Knowing your point of no return allows you more control.
If you feel you’re about to ejaculate, stop and squeeze (apply pressure, don’t hurt yourself) the end of your penis just beneath the head. Squeeze for several seconds until the feeling passes. You or your partner can repeat this as desired. It is similar to edging in allowing control.
Blow and Re-Go
Enjoy yourself, get into it and let the juices flow. Blow, enjoy your partner, and after your refractory period (the time before your can come again), start again. It will take longer to come this time. This method allows flow-through sex, alleviating performance anxiety.
Blow Before You Go
Also known as the something about Mary technique. Enjoy a bit of self-play before sex. Masturbate before your date or before sex. Your self-play release will assist your body and increase sexual playtime with your partner.
Limiting your climaxes to only when you have partner sex, you may acclimatise yourself to the pattern of partner orgasm. Teaching yourself to enjoy the whole experience rather than just coming.
Understanding Your Partner
Using feedback in the form of visual (look), auditory (sounds) and kinetic (touch) cues from your partner, you’ll get a better understanding of what rocks their boat. Understanding what brings your partner to orgasm will be beneficial to both of you.
Don’t be boring in the bedroom. Changing sexual positions adds excitement in the bedroom, allows a sensitivity pause and assist in discovering what positions increase or decrease sensitivity to the penis.
If your premature ejaculation is mainly due to performance anxiety, stress, or relationship issues, these therapy options may assist you.
Sex therapy is specialised psychotherapy. Licensed psychologists provide it with advanced training in issues related to sexual and relationship health. The therapist will not have sexual relations with you or show you how to have sex, and everyone is always clothed.
You’ll meet in the therapist’s office or online it may be alone or with your partner.
Remember to chill and enjoy your sessions. You are in a professional’s hands, and you’ll get more out of the experience by participating. We’re all human, and talking about sex can feel awkward. But holding back will not enable your therapist to understand you and your needs fully.
During the sessions, your therapist will want to understand what factors are impacting your sex life. These might include lack of confidence, having kids, illness, disability or previous negative sexual experiences. They will then work with you to resolve these issues.
You may get ‘assignments’ to do at home, such as trying some behavioural techniques or working on communication with your partner.
Are you an effective couple? Your counsellor assists in building better communication and relationship building and working on betrayal, infidelity, and pre-marital counselling.
Open and honest communication with your partner can make for a more positive sex life.
Mindfulness involves bridging a body-mind connection to facilitate an understanding of sensations and emotions, as they are experienced within the body. It’s a focus on the present, rather than the future or the past. A mindfulness practice will assist you in discovering negative association you may have attached to sex because of your PE. There are many apps available to assist you on your journey.
There are safe and effective medications available from a doctor to help manage your PE.
Anaesthetic spray or cream
An at-home easy-to-use treatment that works by reducing the sensitivity of the skin on the penis. Spray or apply the anaesthetic to your penis 10-20 minutes before sex. You may want to use a condom to ensure your partner’s body doesn’t absorb the spray or cream.
PE Prescription Medications
Australian law prevents us from talking about certain medications, so we've zipped it.
What we can say, though, is that there are clinically proven medications to treat PE that are effective in the majority of men. These are often the best starting points for effective treatment. Our partner MOSH provides a free consultation with 100% text-based doctor consults. So no need for nerves.
Fill out a simple quiz. A doctor will recommend a personalised treatment within 48 hours.
100% text-based doctor consults. Ask anything & confirm the treatment plan is right for you.
Prescription is delivered to your door every 3 months. Cancel anytime without fees.